By DAN STRAFFORD
Guest Contributor
The following article is the first in an ongoing series of occasional guest columns.
My wife and I bought her grandmother’s house in Warrendale back in 2015. It was a home she had spent a ton of time in as a kid and was rich with memories around her amazing Nanny [the nickname for her grandmother]. We moved back to my wife’s hometown with our two daughters and started, and restarted, our lives as Waltham residents.
My wife was the sort of spirit this world needs more of. She was giving and caring without limit. She gave to anyone and everyone who needed it and taught as many kids as she could how to find empathy and kindness.
We met amazing neighbors, and my wife reconnected with many of the friends she had lost touch with when she went off to college and then moved to New York City. We built our own little village of friends, family and neighbors whom we grew to love and trust. We welcomed our third daughter to our family in 2017, and our family was complete.
Over that time my wife introduced something we call ”calm down.” It’s four simple questions that we asked our kids each night before they went to bed.
1. What was the best part of your day?
2. What was the not-so-great part of your day?
3. What are three or four things you are grateful for?
4. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
It was a way for us to interact with the kids about their day, help handle any anxiety or worries they may have, reinforce being grateful for the small things, and resetting with a positive outlook on tomorrow.
In 2019 my wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Our village rallied around her and our family. Our close friends as well as people from the broader community came bearing meals, giving rides and visiting. We found love and caring in so many pockets of Waltham and beyond.
Over the course of her treatment, we continued to lean on so many people to help us get through tough times and the lighter ones. Neighbors and friends kept tabs on how the girls were doing and made sure to check in on Kimberly. Even as she’d go through tough treatments or issues due to her illness, she rarely would talk about how she was doing. Instead, she’d pivot to asking how that person was doing; what was new in their lives or what might be on their mind.
In 2022 the treatments were no longer having the effect her doctors had hoped for. We kept on living and doing as much together as we could.
We continued to do our calm-down routine each night, and my wife made sure to instill in our girls how important it was to find the good in the world and stay thankful for things, even in tough times.
She passed away in February 2023. We held services here in Waltham on St Patrick’s Day and the following morning. Our friends, family, neighbors, colleagues and this city turned out to love her and our family. We experienced the sense of belonging that she worked so hard to foster with her work in social emotional learning and her theater literacy program Story Shifters here in Waltham.
Over the subsequent 21 months we have found so many people who have been there for us from this community and kept us in their hearts and minds. Neighbors have raised funds, carpooled, brought meals, checked in on us, and so much more in honor of her spirit.
Our elementary school, FitzGerald Elementary, has gone above and beyond to make sure all three of my daughters were cared for and loved during their mom’s treatment as well as after she passed. Organizations such as Waltham Youth Cheer & Football, the theater programs at FitzGerald and McDevitt, and Waltham-based charities have all been there for all of us and kept a watchful, loving eye on each of our daughters.
I’m grateful for so many in this city. When my wife and I first started dating and even when we got married, I swore I would never live here. I thought we’d remain in New Jersey or New York and find our way there. Instead, the opportunity arose to buy a house that had been in her family since it was built. It gave us the opportunity to grow our family as part of this city and neighborhood.
I’m grateful for our families, our friends, our neighbors and our community in a way I’m not sure I will ever be able to fully express. I’m grateful for my wife above all else as she continues to teach me how to be a better parent, but, more importantly, a better person.